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day one of 30

by vegevick (entries)

Just noticed that the chime didn't ring at end the last time I attempted this either.  I wonder why.  5 minutes is totally doable. Based on the premise that I can do anything for 30 days, I should be able to do this.


Posted: 6 days ago

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Oversleeping

by gordon (entries)

leads to depression, but i dint know what to do because i am very bored.


Posted: 7 months ago

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My gift

by gordon (entries)

my gift is resilience. I may go down but i always come back up. I would make An excellent boxer. I never quit. I never say die. Soccer teams ive played for missed out on an opportunity. All they had to do was say We know you can give us more. Show us what you got. Or, i expect better from you. I wish people held me accountable like this cause it would fire me up. 


Posted: 7 months ago

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Stayed up all night

by gordon (entries)

i was up all night..dont know whether it was late supper or because i was thinking about really attacking my exams. In any event. Im exploring just dealing with being tired. I see i like to make tall tales out of what im experiencing. As though when i am tired im someone who pushes the boundaries 😂😂😂but doctors do 24 hour shifts all the time. It is the same with blowing my amount of time studying out of the water. My brain creates a story of how significant these moments are when in fact they are not so significant just the brain makes it seem so. I think can handle being tired and still studying. 


Posted: 8 months ago

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I cant/ i can

by gordon (entries)

I cant meditate consistently for long periods every day. At the same time. 
I can meditate sporadically and for short or long periods
i cant handle speaking with people all day. I can handle soeaking with people for two hours In a day
i cant do the class work for chinese and i cant solve the problems in the text. I can listen to the recordngs and translate the conversations 
i cant be calm and friendyl like francis all the time. I can have friends who are forgiving. 
i cant do perfect. I can do imperfect. 
I cant keep my temper. I can apologize when i lose my temper, i can keep learning to manage it. 
i cant do tests. I can enjoy learning the material.
i cant have my work compared with others all the tIme. I can create work and have good friends enjoy it with me
i cant study at the same time everyday. I can study when I feel like I can. 
I cant look good every day and make a good impression. I can sometimes really make a great impression for a short period.
i cant handle having lots of friends. I can handle having a few good friends. 



Posted: 8 months ago

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We are the stars inside the Earth

by jferngrove (entries)

Does the Buddha ever speak of our relationship with Earth?
I do not recall him doing so
But he always chose some park or special place in nature
In which to conduct his tranquil abiding.

Vedanta speaks of being one with everything,
But is not everything larger than all conception?
Earth, Us, Each other
Each becomes one with the other through the third.
Each existing for the other in the third.

It is the Earth that is the Whole of which we are a part
This Earth is fundamental to our sleeping, waking, dreaming
And from the Earth is where we source the deep vibrations
That are antidote to the buzzings of the separated mind

Seek first the midpoint
Found where force is finally exhausted
And surrender is embraced and is embracing

Become like living rock
Become the trees, the birds, the sky
Become the knowing of the Earth

Finding stillness at the midpoint in between
Balancing the egocentric and allocentric views

Looking out from the cavity of the self in all directions
Looking in towards the time-borne substance from all directions
Hold, as a Star, perched upon the edges of the Earth
Become the Earth and source the deep vibrations

The goal of Man
Is to see the Stars as the Earth sees them
To be with the Stars as the Earth is with them
We are the dreams of Stars scattered on the surface of the Earth
Who must become the Stars inside the Earth
We build the shining vault within.


Posted: 10 months ago

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On thought

by jferngrove (entries)

There is someone posting a blog from this site and an article I read today claims that believing that one can stop thoughts is meditation is erroneous and not even possible. I have thought about this and must disagree. Even if suspending thought completely is not actually possible it is still important to recognise, value and hold on to the gaps between thoughts as much as possible because that, in my experience, is where the 'magic usually happens. By thoughts I am talking about the inner stream of spoken words and imagery, but not the decisions and impulses of the unknown actor who guides and controls the process. Maybe that comes later? I don't know. The 'magic' is where we connect with something 'higher', 'deeper' or 'greater than ourselves; a higher self or higher mind and something which I am lately referring to as 'buddhi' in no particular technical sense. Buddhi is like a mental substance just a brief connection with which can be highly transformative, ably to positively modify personality, attitudes, dislodge negative habits and patterns and generally illuminate one's experience with wisdom and insight.


Posted: 10 months ago

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A good one

by jferngrove (entries)

Windows decided to reboot itself somewhere around the 25 min mark so this morning's never got logged. Guess I'll have to do it again later today.

Shame, such a good one. First time in weeks I woke up without nightmares, headache and falling. Just got straight up from the bed and into the meditation. Could feel an ease and looseness that feels like the rewards for the efforts of the last few weeks. I feel this new moon deeply.

Realisation, to hold concentration there has to be effort, at least in the beginning. And if there is effort there will tension. There will be some tightness of breath, some clenching of muscles, but you can't keep running off to fix these things. To get to focus you have to leave the body to take care of itself and trust it to learn to look after these things

Question, is it right that the object of concentration should always be somewhere or something in my head. My objects tend to cluster around
*) sensation of physical breath at the bridge of the nostrils,
*) a semi-visual inner gazing on the line between the eyes
*) a brightness, patch or ball, sometimes rotating at the forehead
*) a perception or visualisation of light flooding down from above and filling the cavity of the head and upper body.

It's not like I push these things, but more like a set of accumulated habits that the unknown doer tends to cycle through. I guess at this stage it doesn't matter what or where you choose, but to choose and then stick with it.


Posted: 11 months ago

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Hard to connect with why I am doing this

by jferngrove (entries)

Today pain came early, but setting a goal certainly, and perversely helped with sitting through it. A further improvement in ease of breathing, almost a full arching breath. Mind still feels like Piccadilly Circus after too many beers, and behind it all a dourness of spirit that waits numbly for some kind of genuine connection. Sitting at the door I guess.


Posted: 11 months ago

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A blizzard of numbers

by jferngrove (entries)

Playing sudoku for hours until late into the night, because you can't sleep and are too tired to do anything more constructive is really counterproductive. Finding those numbers is a classic dopamine reward circuit that might get tripped hundreds of times in a session and so your brain is filled with numbers whenever you close your eyes for hours afterwards. This is pernicious and robotic and you should be able to stop yourself doing it.

The breathing continues to get easier and pain in legs and torso is more manageable. The whole thing still feels like trench warfare but it is more in the mental now than the physical. I have still yet to connect with any genuine tranquillity.


Posted: 11 months ago

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Don't spoil it

by jferngrove (entries)

So I have been meditating at least twice a day, sometime 3 for about a fortnight now. Also frequently meditating informally, out of posture as and when two or three times a day, sometimes for longer than I can manage in posture. This is certainly the most intensive burst of practice I have embarked on in my life, and actually keeping the practice up seems, touch wood, to be effortless. Against this, it must be remembered that it has arisen as a response to a downturn in mental health to a point where meditation and reading are the only positive activities I seem able to pursue.

 

The past two weeks have been predomi9nantly about learning to breathe through and around the tension in my belly, which is getting easier every day but most of my meditation is still characterised between a flickering of attention between the breath in the nostrils where I want it and the effort around breathing in my belly where I don't. Still, last week, the effort to meditate at all would leave me with churning tension down there for hours afterwards. Now, I am able to hold for 30 minutes with occasional focus and some capacity to breathe.

 

As to focus and stillness of mind, I think the trick might be not to try too hard. So long as you put some effort in there are times when focus and quiet just come of their own accord. The point is that when these come just to value and cherish them, so as to cultivate their more frequent arising.


Posted: 11 months ago

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Happiness is not having to force myself to meditate

by hanjini (entries)

since I restarted, I'm finding myself pulled to meditate, rather than having to force myself To sit. really great. 


Posted: 1 year ago

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Arthritis and not fidgeting

by Biker750 (entries)

Any one have to deal with this experience


Posted: 1 year ago

Tagged: Arthritis

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Beginner-again

by kbroadwater (entries)

Today I was very fidgety on the physical side. It seemed as if I couldn't get comfortable at all. Then back pain started but was able to be with it and not let it disturb med. Used chime session by Jon Kabat- Zinn


Posted: 1 year ago

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What is it that watches the breath?

by tusculum (entries)

What is it that watches the breath?
Does it have preferences?
Does it decide for itself, "This is pleasant, that is not"?
Or do those thoughts arise like any other?
From out of nowhere, unbidden, to subside momentarily into nothing.

When happiness arises, the watching is unchanged.
When sorrow comes, seeing is untainted.
The aware process carries sensation, thought, feeling, desire, aversion, absorbing nothing, faithfully reflecting whatever arises.

What is, is.


Posted: 1 year ago

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Unsupported back

by tusculum (entries)

I'm working with the instructions from Mind Illuminated by Culadasa. This morning I started out sitting cross legged with my back against the wall of the closet. I learned that my posture is less stable that way, not more. Around halfway through the session, I moved to the bench and felt much more stable and able to stay focused on the breath after that.

So the bench really does seem to provide the best posture for sitting that I'm going to get.


Posted: 1 year ago

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Travel of a bee

by wakahero (entries)

The bee travels around, the bee is made of different materials, the bee is a beholder , the bee is whatever it's inside you.


Posted: 2 years ago

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Meditated in bed for 10 minutes this morning. I know...

by russcpt (entries)

Meditated in bed for 10 minutes this morning. I know that meditation is the key to my overall well being but have been off and on while in grad school. I have been reading some of William Johnstone's books on Zen and also beginner's mind and it really has me motivated to begin to practice again.


Posted: 2 years ago

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3rd

by nosyla (entries)

almost didn't meditate...dinner almost ready, tired and Saturday.  glad I made the time...flowers goal actually helped!   During med., I only made one full breathe rotation in focus.  Really hard to keep out the other thoughts. body really relaxed this time.


Posted: 3 years ago

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guided meditation

by nosyla (entries)

tried a 10 minute sit with music and guides voice. felt distracted from breath by voise but music helped make it more physical...fuller body exp.


Posted: 3 years ago

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first try

by nosyla (entries)

I thought 10 minutes would be very difficult.  Though I struggled to focus the 10 minutes felt more like 3-4!  I did not expect that just yet.  Maybe I need to increase time to gather focus.  Is there  a pre-meditation routine that might help?


Posted: 3 years ago

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Did it again!

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

Managed to meditate on the weekend again, which means I'm on a streak of 15 days! And...15 days in, I am finally starting to get some longer stretches of mindfulness rather than simply thinking all the time. Ahhhh, it feels good.


Posted: 3 years ago

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Meditated through the weekend!

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

I finally did it-- I meditated for one whole week. I am still trying to make it to 25 days of at least 10 minutes a day. Turns out, the key is just to do it. On Friday I let myself sleep in, so I missed my morning routine and did not meditate in the morning. I ended up doing it 10 minutes right before bed. It was not ideal because I was VERY sleepy, but it happened. On Saturday, I meditated 10 minutes right after I got up. Sunday was a busy day and I only had about an hour to myself. I took the final 20 minutes of the hour to sit, and if I had not done that, I don't think another opportunity would have presented itself.

Now we're in Monday, and usually Monday through Thursday is pretty easy because of the morning routine. Here's to making it through 25. I just realized that because this chain started on Dec. 1, Christmas will make 25 days. :)


Posted: 3 years ago

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First entry - 28/10/2014

by gdarosl (entries)

I came to Medivate to help myself on organizing my meditation schedule. I think it helps on commitement when you throw yourself into it and start recording sessions. So I might as well start to do mine as some sort of journal. Let's see what happens.

First of all, my main objective with meditation is develop calmness and emotional resilience. I am coming from a breakup situation where the girl is deeply involved with my social group and we decided not to be away from each other. She seems to need my help, at least for now. Although I definitively miss her, I want to see her happy, regardless if it is with me or not, and that's how meditation will help me -- to make me calmer, understand the reasons the world is the way it is, accepting it and coming to terms.

I am trying to supress my attachement feelings and keeping the healthy ones for her (i.e. wanting to see her well instead of wanting her to be mine). When meditating, I let my emotions come and try to feel and understand them. Hm, perhaps It's not a place for supression, but rather acceptance, balancing, letting go of some feelings and keeping ones.

First day of meditation

When meditating, I tried to focused on inhaling and exhaling. It was a bit hard because I tend to loose myself off the track easily when just getting back to meditation. Some emotions about her popped up, I accepted them, understood them and let them be. I also felt some physical pressures on my back, shoulders and solar plexus. Could it be because it was late at night and I just returned from a boxing class? Perhaps.

On the thoughts that popped up: Today was a hard day for us because her grandpa died and she came to me for consolation, which made me wonder why -- she had her ex and friends to call for help, not to mention our communication became strange after the breakup. I put my own doubts aside and offered what I could to her.

I hope she'll be alright. As for me, well I can handle it.



Next steps:



My next step is to include a meditation chant/mantra that holds a deep significance to me on my sessions. It's called Om Namo Baghavate Vasudevaya, and it's intimately related to acceptance the way reality is. I've been chanting it a lot in times of despair for a year, and so far it had been amazing for me.



I'm off for now. Thanks for the warm welcoming, Medivate. See you soon :)


Posted: 3 years ago

Tagged: meditation, acceptance, emotional resilience

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Omg Medivate is pretty cool

by mumijary41 (entries)

I didn't know you could make journal entries here. 

I've been fappin and watchin stuff but I never actually jizzed. Semen retention is something I have gotten the hang of. My parents infuriate me. Fuck this house. I need to get out of here. I hate bein gin the midst of my parents because it is so restricting. It is like I actually am under a religion here. The fuck. 

Leaving this house is truly the only motivation I have to do anything. I just hate the uncertainty of things. Landing this interview and acing it. The fuck man. Oh my god. I'm gonna have to be on my best behavior. FUck my dad. Fuck all this shit. I need to get the fuck out of here - I'm at serious risk of ending up like the rest of the men in this generation who waste away at home. No. Josh did it; Josh fucking did it. I can do it too. Fuck this place man. 

What is this fury and where is it coming from? Is it the fire that burns from the desire to help myself?

How can I love and help others when I myself am I need of help and freedom? 

If I didn't fap, I don't know what the heck I would be doing today... I would definitely not feel this fire...Perhaps it is because I retained the semen. Also, I got to expel alot of the shit that has been marinating in my belly for weeks. The fapping seemed to have relaxed my colon. Was this really a bad thing to do? Why don't I feel guilt? Will I experience withdrawal or is that simply a false psychological experience? It is not morally wrong to masturbate, what the fuck. It is fuck9ing dehabilitating to feel guilt over such an action - to feel guilt over one's own sexuality? Over the inherent nature of oneself? Over oneself? This is to feel guilt over existing. What the fuck has religion taught us? 


Posted: 3 years ago

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The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

I have been meditating regularly for three weeks now, seeing my mindfulness counselor a couple of times, and reading a lovely book, "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Something has shifted slowly, but also kind of suddenly-- it's like a marinade: I have been trying to marinate myself in mindfulness and wisdom and I am becoming more able to be mindful and wise.

Yesterday I came home from a day at work that was at turns annoying, frustrating, boring, depressing, and scary. My husband and I crossed paths for a few minutes at home and managed to piss each other off. I had a little time to rest before going to a dinner with friends, and I laid on the couch to read stuff online. Normally, that is just what I would do. But this time, I all of a sudden realized that I was suffering and that I needed to take care of my suffering. I put my hands on my heart and I meditated there on the couch for about 10 minutes. I took in my feelings of guilt, fear, anger, sadness, and I recognized them. I embraced them, not as I usually think of "embracing" something, not really desiring it or welcoming it, but actually thinking of embracing it like comforting a hurting friend. I'm glad that I was able to do that, and it did me a lot of good.

It is one thing for me to make goals to meditate and to meditate each morning, but it is a new step for me to realize in the moment when I actually NEED to stop and take care of my suffering.


Posted: 3 years ago

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Weekends

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

I have been trying for three weeks to meditate every day for 25 days. Every time I get a string of 5 or 6, the weekend comes and somehow I miss one or both of the days on Saturday or Sunday. I know why it happens-- because my weekday before-work routine is not in place. I get up later, I have a lazy breakfast with my husband...and somehow the day goes by. I am trying not to stress too much about this. Just because I have a goal doesn't mean that I MUST meet it right away. Goals should be worked towards, right? The first week, I missed both Saturday and Sunday, but the next two weeks I just missed one of the days. Progress!

This weekend is different because there is a half-day zen sitting that I hope to attend on Saturday. Then Sunday to Tuesday I am taking a personal retreat, so I will be meditating a bunch. Here's to building up a longer string of days this time!


Posted: 3 years ago

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These days

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

My meditation practice had gone downhill and become almost non-existent for a while, months, as things got busy. With the recent death of my father, I got a chance to do a hard re-set on my habits, as I was gone from home for almost three weeks. When I returned, I knew that the work of healing was going to require most mental, physical, and emotional capacity than I had, so I vowed to eat well, move mindfully, and meditate regularly.

Things have been interesting. From 5 minute-intervals, I moved to 20, and have taken advantage of any chance to meditate in a group, as I seem to benefit from this. There is a group at work that meets each week for 20 minutes, there are alumni sessions offered about monthly be the mindfulness course that I attended a few years ago, and there are multiple opportunities each week with the zen community. 

All the different scenarios have a different feel to them, and I seem to meditate "best" my myself in nature or with the zen group, though the formality of the group can sometimes cause a little anxiety. Though I know that the point is not to think about a bunch of things, I find myself working through some of my thoughts and feelings about my dad's death. This can be very good to puzzle out what is bothering me and what I am feeling. However, sometimes it give me the time to over-analyze, to feel that I have to identify and label all of my feelings, analyze whether they are healthy or right, what I should perhaps be feeling... I am trying to simply feel my feelings and let them be there, let them out. This also leads to the problem of going to a meditation group-- crying. I would rather not do this in a group because I don't want to call attention to myself. But I am trying to know that if it happens, it happens. And it has happened. I don't want that to stop my from attending the groups or make me anxious about it.

I feel that I am getting better at having a middle way between the mind and the watcher. In the past, I have found myself drifting off into thinking about the past/future/hypothetical for long periods of time without being conscious of it. Then short flashes of "oh yeah, I'm supposed to be meditating" and then back to thinking. These days I think I am much better able to keep a sense of being in the room at the same time as witnessing thoughts that come. 

I am excited because I have arranged another personal retreat in a couple of weeks. I will be gone two nights, so one full day and two sort of half days at beginning and end. I am excited to see what new growth this will bring.


Posted: 3 years ago

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Zen Things

by patricia1958 (entries)

Do Less
How could I spend my time more wisely?

How could I spend LESS time on social media and on things that count?

How could I eliminate projects that really don't matter?

 


Posted: 3 years ago

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Updated Schedule

by patricia1958 (entries)

6:am Buddhas core practice (45 min) Outdoors. Sitting & walking practice
Lama Tsongkhapa Migtsema (30 min)
Break  Try to work out
Breakfast (breakfast and chores)
10 am: Buddhas core practice Lam Rim (45 min) Outdoors if cool enough.
Study and writing
2 pm: Buddha's core practices (Green Tara) 45 min
Break (dinner and Nap afterwards)
6 pm: 35 confessionals and Vajrasattva (times vary)
8 pm Dharma class M-Th & S

Books:

Heart Treasure of the Enlightened Ones HH. Dilgo Khyentse
Buddha's Map
Heart of Love
Tsongkhapa: a Simple Guide to a Powerful Practice



Posted: 3 years ago

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Gaps in practice

by patricia1958 (entries)

I am assisting my root guru in finding another place to live. I have been making my daily practices, but have been forgetting to log them. May Lama find a new home today!


Posted: 3 years ago

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Zen Things Part 3

by patricia1958 (entries)

Do everything completely.

This is a challenge for me, because I have the attention span of a ferret. In the past I was especially bad about starting a project only to let it slip away from me. The Chenrezig picture languishing on my easel is a perfect example.

How could I manage my time better so that I can begin and complete an project.
How could I meditate more efficiently so that I don't want to quit mid practice?
How could I notice my mind wandering when I hear someone talking.
How could I notice my mind wandering when I am cooking or cleaning?

How could I begin a task and end a task mindfully and efficiently?


Posted: 3 years ago

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Zen Things

by patricia1958 (entries)

Do one thing at a time.
Do things slowly and deliberately.
How can I make the most of every opportunity?

How can I make the most out of every meditation session?

How can I make the most out of my daily routine?


Posted: 3 years ago

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Zen Things

by patricia1958 (entries)

1. Do one thing at a time.
2. do it slowly and deliberately.
3  Do it completely
4. Do less
5. Put spaces between tasks
6. Develop rituals
7. Designate times for certain things.
8. Devote time for meditation
9. Smile and serve others.
10. Make cleaning and cooking meditation practices
11. Think about what is necessary.
12. Live Simply.

Day one: Do one thing at a time.
How could I eliminate multitasking from my daily routine?
How could I eliminate the need for electronic stimulation?
How could I eliminate my desire to rush through several tasks at once?

How could I be more mindful when completing one task at a time?


Posted: 3 years ago

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Procrastination

by patricia1958 (entries)

I've been terrible this past week in not posting my practice sessions. Today I will endeavor to do better.
This is my schedule for this week.
5:30 am, Migtsema and Ganglongma (Gelug)
6:30-7:30 Buddha's core practices (Non sectarian)
Work on Facebook page and blog
Break
10 AM Setrap and Vajra Yogini (gelug)
Yellow Book practice (Non Sectarian)

6:00 PM 35 confessionals and Vajrasattva practice (gelug)
6:30: short sadhana (Rime)
Break
8-10 pm Dharma class (Rime)

Lights out at 11:30 ish.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Only-Buddhist-in-Town/328575081247


Posted: 3 years ago

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Procrastination

by patricia1958 (entries)

I've been terrible this past week in not posting my practice sessions. Today I will endeavor to do better.
This is my schedule for this week.
5:30 am, Migtsema and Ganglongma (Gelug)
6:30-7:30 Buddha's core practices (Non sectarian)
Work on Facebook page and blog
Break
10 AM Setrap and Vajra Yogini (gelug)
Yellow Book practice (Non Sectarian)

6:00 PM 35 confessionals and Vajrasattva practice (gelug)
6:30: short sadhana (Rime)
Break
8-10 pm Dharma class (Rime)

Lights out at 11:30 ish.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Only-Buddhist-in-Town/328575081247


Posted: 3 years ago

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Peace of mind

by wakahero (entries)

Peace of mind, I need
Peace of mind, I'll be


Posted: 3 years ago

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Eatng mindfully

by sunflowershe (entries)

Bit unfocused but zoned in towards the end - good to have done the practice


Posted: 3 years ago

Tagged: Eating mindfully

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Half Lotus

by Shakuhachi (entries)

I am now using the half lotus because it seems to help me from getting sleepy.  A little painful & numb in the legs after 30 minutes.  perhaps I'll get used to it and stay longer.


Posted: 3 years ago

Tagged: posture

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New Adventure

by mimisoccer7 (entries)

Today was my first day of meditation. In only 5 minutes, I could  tell that this will be a new and enjoyable experience for me. 


Posted: 3 years ago

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Breath in the new air

by wakahero (entries)

Breath in the new air
warm feelings in a cold day
Let the old one go



Posted: 3 years ago

Tagged: warm, cold, breath, new, old

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I'll try again

by Shakuhachi (entries)

I have been meditating but not using Medivate.  I will give it a go again.  i can at least update it weekly.


Posted: 3 years ago

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Back to the beginning

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

I have been pretty dissatisfied with my sitting lately. In the new year I have found it harder to be consistent with actually remembering to sit, especially on the weekends. And when I do sit, I find that I am actually doing a lot of thinking and even drifting off or sleeping instead of being mindful and aware.

This morning I had less time than usual, so I just sat for 10 minutes. Somehow, with having less time ahead of me, I was able to focus more. It felt like a manageable amount of time to be aware, not like a 30 minute stretch of fidgeting and thinking. 

Whatever strange phase I am going though right now, I think it would be good to focus on 10-minute blocks. They can be back to back, spread throughout the day, or even just one in a day. As long as I actually sit and as long as there is quality to my attention, this is good.

But also...my morning schedule has changed since my husband started working. I used to get up and shower, then meditate and stretch, then breakfast. Now I get up and meditate, have breakfast, then shower and stretch...and this is why I am so sleepy for meditation. Maybe I need to somehow adjust to showering or waking up somehow before sitting. Suggestions are welcome!


Posted: 4 years ago

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Why ?

by Erastoles (entries)

If I try to know why I meditate, I lose focus on my meditation.
If I try to seek for the benefit of meditation, I find the sitting time too long.

So I stop, sit and be present in the present.

At last...


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: meditation

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30 minute sessions

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

I think it is so interesting how my mind and body know how long I have been on the cushion, even if "I" don't. My home sessions had been about 20 minutes, but I've trying to push to 30 minutes. Partly, just to increase my stamina, concentration, etc, but also because in certain retreat or group sessions, 30 minutes is what everyone does. I want to be able to do this with the group without being in too much pain and without feeling overwhelmed by it.

So, I've noticed that at about 25-27 minutes, I kind of shut off. My mind rebels and says, no more. My eyes open. I feel restless and just done. The reason I know it's at 25-27 minutes is that I look at the clock because I start to think that maybe it's broken! I was so surprised to find that my subconscious knows that this is too long compared with my usual sessions. I wasn't aware that it was that ingrained.

Well, now that I know that happens, I tried to be aware of it this morning. I felt it start to happen and I was mindful of it. I refocused on my breath and told myself that the reason I felt this way was because I probably only had about 5 minutes left, and I can make it through 5 minutes in a mindful and concentrated state. This was really helpful, and I felt more successful with my session. 

I'm going to continue trying for one thirty minute-session each day, with other shorter sessions later in the day if possible.


Posted: 4 years ago

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After about 30 days...

by Lullabyehaze (entries)

It's been over 30 days of meditation for at least 15 minutes a day. I think that might be the longest streak I've ever had, at least that includes weekends. This site and log really has been helping me to stay with it. Yesterday was the closest I came to not doing it. When I realized it, I was in bed watching TV and got up to meditate for 20 minutes. I'm proud of this consistency.

I'm feeling better in my body while meditating: less upper back pain and less re-positioning because of it. My right leg is not falling asleep until a bit later in the game (I think it used to happen 10-15 minutes in).

Sometimes (strange as it sounds), my ears itch like crazy inside. I think this is a partly mental thing, or maybe it is related to the fact that I usually meditate after showering? Anyway, that's a little annoying sometimes, but I am more able to move past it after having it happen again and again.

I'm finding that the time seems to pass more quickly now, and I don't have as much resistance to sticking with it. I'm not sure that I am getting noticeably better at focusing on my breath and not drifting into thought. But I am getting better at not really fretting about that-- not feeling negative about it. My practice is very satisfying, and I'm very pleased about it.

It seems interesting that as I get more into this, I am finding more and more support and resources. There is a group at work on Wednesdays, there is a community group on Fridays, and there are a couple of other longer half day or full day things that I have found out about. I am also finding more and more people who are into this. It helps me to know that people have a similar sensibility and value as me, and although I value my personal practice, having others to talk or practice with is so helpful.





Posted: 4 years ago

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Great, bell-free meditation sound

by thelastskibum (entries)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_a-Yh5FTaE

It's only 6 minutes long, and I wasn't able to carry my focus for the remaining 4 minutes of my session, but it helped me quiet the pandemonium of thoughts and knock out some of the mental tensions I felt. 


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: youtube, music, stress, breath

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First Meditation On Site before Bed

by jamie_davies2 (entries)

I found it easy enough to get into a clearer state of consciousness ; however, harder to judge when the timer was going to ring for the end of the meditation as I was getting impatient. I must also remind myself to change the settings on my computer so as the screen does not go black 10 minutes into the meditation. This is not only distracting; but, it interrupts the timer and I ended up ending the meditation session three minutes late. 


Posted: 4 years ago

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New Member

by jamie_davies2 (entries)

Just became a new member of medivate.com. Feeling positive about the possible outcomes. :)


Posted: 4 years ago

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Felt groggy and sleepy this morning. I have to be...

by russcpt (entries)

Felt groggy and sleepy this morning. I have to be careful about how late I drink caffeine. Not sleeping well typically damages my practice.


Posted: 4 years ago

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Trying the Medivate timer for first time

by patrick (entries)

Kept the timer on the 3 minute bell, to try and stay alert. Feel I'm gaining ground after many dream-like states.


Posted: 4 years ago

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Trying the Medivate timer for first time

by patrick (entries)

Kept the timer on the 3 minute bell, to try and stay alert. Feel I'm gaining ground after many dream-like states.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: gaining ground

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Experiment

by Raymond (entries)

I am a member of an ecumenical monastic order and am trying an experiment to see if this might be a useful tool for us to record our hours, meditations and devotions.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: CoS

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45 minute session - D1

by alapkoff (entries)

Came home after work specifically to meditate, was feeling anxious before. Now I feel calm, centered, and prepared for the rest of the day.  


Posted: 4 years ago

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45 minute session - D1

by alapkoff (entries)

Felt very anxious prior to session, considered upping medication. first 20 minutes felt extremely relaxed and at peace. mind chatter was gone. rest of session was more difficult to focus but still felt beneficial. Feel calm and very centered, will consider using discs as a meditation aid more often.


Posted: 4 years ago

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47 minute session (24 sit +23 mindful stretching)

by alapkoff (entries)

Felt very focused, mind wandered infrequently, muscles feel more relaxed. Feel calm, poised and not anxious. 


Posted: 4 years ago

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45 minute session - D3 (20+25 sit)

by alapkoff (entries)

Became distracted throughout session, did not get discouraged and gently came back to breath. thoughts arose "im doing this wrong" "im not going to feel relaxed after this" some anxiety arose. 

POST: feel relaxed, at ease, happy :)


Posted: 4 years ago

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45 minute session - D2 yoga

by alapkoff (entries)

Mind was wandering, no trouble lasting full 45 minutes. Feel relaxed, anxiety is also present. Feel more calm


Posted: 4 years ago

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45 minute session - D1

by alapkoff (entries)

Woke up feeling anxious, those feelings have all but diminished. Feel relaxed, blissful, and confident looking forward. I have come to realize that these feelings are accessible to me in any moment, and they are not restricted to when I meditate. I alone have the power to work through tough feelings. 


Posted: 4 years ago

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(((O)))

by Charlie (entries)

I took a month-long break from meditation. I had given myself the goal of doing 30 minutes each day for one month straight. When I started to slip, I noticed how disappointed I was getting with myself, so I just decided to lay off altogether. I was feeling pretty depressed when I was keeping up with meditation, and since I have a predisposition toward depression, I had to cut down on my expectations of myself, even if that meant sacrificing something as beneficial for the mind as meditation. 

My depression lifted. When I try to maintain one goal, I tack on a dozen others. Write every day. Exercise no matter what. Go vegetarian. Go to bed early. Play at least 30 min to an hour of each instrument each day. Add to all of that having to juggle school and work responsibilities and also considering I would take 20-30 minutes at a time each day to sit quietly in a separate room from my wife, I just had to ease up. Some of my favorite time spent with my wife is when we both get in bed and read. My escaping to meditate while she sat alone didn't make me feel very good. I was trying to do it both in the morning and at night. I'll strive for each morning for my next week, and if I really find it an opportune moment, I'll do it at night here and there, but I won't stress about it.

I hate to think meditation was partially what was dragging me down, and I know it was merely everything surrounding my sitting, but when you're a depressive guy and meditation makes you feel like you're placidly sinking down into quicksand, if you feel like you're beginning to do the opposite of helping yourself, you're going to panic, kick, struggle, and fight to find some other way out.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: depression

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I have been using Hebrew mantras and trying to learn a...

by Shakuhachi (entries)

I have been using Hebrew mantras and trying to learn a bit of the language while also reading this interesting commentary on the Yoga Sutras  http://swamij.com/yoga-sutras.htm

I think some changes are taking place for the better within me.


Posted: 4 years ago

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longer

by Shakuhachi (entries)

I meditated for 57 minutes today.  I definitely see the value in a longer sitting time but don't think I have the time or patience or lack of distraction to do it every time.  Maybe at least weekly.


Posted: 4 years ago

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3 am

by Shakuhachi (entries)

I woke up at 3 am feeling very rested and alert.  I just layed there listening to meditation music with a liitle more sleep until 6.  Redy to go to work.


Posted: 4 years ago

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Body

by Shakuhachi (entries)

As I sit and wait for my body to settle I make intention to relax every inch.  During that process my thoughts also relax and become thin, like thinner air at higher altitude.  Body relaxed and thoughts less active the inner space takes on what seems to be a sacred feel.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: body, sacred

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Study and practice

by emmacat (entries)

Today I had trouble grasping a concept and for some reason it really set me off. I was encreasingly frustrated while reading the same pages over and over and all my doubts just engulfed me.
It was interesting to observe the chain reaction. First, I was concerned about my level of comprehension (am I misinterpreting the teachings?), then came self-consciousness (maybe I jumped into this too quickly and I'm making a fool of myself).
With each repeat reading the paranoia grew until my atheist background took hold of me and my mind was just screaming 'stop trying to understand religious arguments, you can't make sense of it because it's irrational jibberish!'. At this point I was in total panick, asking myself what have I been doing for the past year and wondering why I gave up my 'critical thinking'.
Fortunately I remembered to check in with myself and noticed that I was so agitated I was literally out of breath. So I just connected with my breath and I was reminded of the value of the practice. Not that everything is all better, I'm still longing for when my identity was so fixed that it was a comfort to me. But at least I have the space to see the trap of holding on to my idea of myself.
I looked back at my notebook and realized there are some concepts that seemed obscure until I experienced them in my life and others that have taken on different meaning from what I thought they meant. A feeling of gratefulness washed over me thinking about the richness of the dharma, the new layers of understanding I can look forward to, as long as I keep on practicing.  


Posted: 4 years ago

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Why is this so HARD?

by LadyGrizabella (entries)

I decided to do a regular meditation this morning--just sitting and focusing on my breath. I was only able to last 8 minutes which makes me feel like a total failure because I kept getting distracted not only by my own thoughts but by it seemed like everything around me even though the house is totally silent right now.
I want to do this..I do.  I really do. But it's so HARD....I kept wanting to crack open my eyes and check to see how much time was left on my timer.

Maybe I need to get a mantra..that would probably help as it would give my busy mind something to focus on because clearly just focusing on my breath isn't doing it.


Posted: 4 years ago

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Rating

by undragonslayer7 (entries)

I came to realize during a particurarly 'good' session that the rating system is a manifestation of the exact mentality my meditation has taught me to reject. It's not about whether each session is 'good' or 'bad' and how much in which direction. And in any case, the system is extremely unreliable. Often I'll be reflecting upon my sessions and realize that one which was exruciatingly slow and seemingly unhelpful was actually a great and meaningful sitting. So in light of this, I no longer rate my sessions. The system interprets this as a zero, but it doesn't matter. It's about me, not some lines on the graph.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: rating

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Stupid brain

by LadyGrizabella (entries)

The entire time I was trying to concentrate, my brain kept feeding me ideas for a stand up comedy routine. Except I'm NOT a comic, nor do I wish to be one. Well ok..maybe a little bit. I've been told I can be really really funny sometimes.

I don't know. I just wish my brain had shut up for five minutes. 


Posted: 4 years ago

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Foamed-up earholes

by Charlie (entries)

I used earplugs for the first time during meditation. I have a trove of them for muffling the roar of cymbals and drums when I play music, but due to neighborly respect, I've restricted my thunder to the hard-quiet thwap of electronic pads and a set of headphones through which only I can hear the simulacra of 110 different assorted drum sets. 

I have more than I know what to do with, is all I mean. And today, with the sounds of Little Women streaming through the walls from my living room, I figured I would leave my better half undisturbed to consume Winona Ryder and Christian Bale at whatever volume level she desired. Sound waves not totally absorbed by the walls and various surroundings were more or less tempered to a suitable level for sitting concentration. At one point, when some higher-frequencied operatic goings-on were commanding my attention more than the muffled *lub-lub* of unrecognizable dialogue, I started wondering if the television in the other room or the violent orange earplug slowly birthing its way out of its coiled form in my ear hole was the more distracting. The TV was then turned off, so I was left with the creepy feeling that a snail was unfurling its sluggy meat and reaching out into the air. I also started imagining my ears housing intumescent reactions of sodium bicarbonate in the form of neon Pharaoh's Snakes. 

Then my heart announced itself more pronouncedly than before, its thump seemingly irregular and conjuring images of the lumbering, mute, hirsute Looney Toon member, Gossamer, dancing out a tap routine inside a rubber room while drunk and dizzy from medication. It was arrhythmic, is all. Not so unusual for myself. It was interesting to be more aware of it, though. I had to force breath down into my body because letting aspirations take themselves was leaving me feeling shallow and short of appropriate oxygen delivery. I can't tell if it really slowed my heart at all, but I felt a little bit better if only under the illusion of control. Then my timer went off. It wasn't all an ecstatic experience, and a bit distracting, but it made me feel at least like I edged out a fraction of a diametric unit by expanding my awareness of my circulatory process and its influence on my state of mind. I'm predisposed to neuroses and have always had marginally high blood pressure, so it has blipped on my radar that I might want to keep an eye on potential aortic-quaking factors. I should probably kick or notch down the caffeine intake, but as I jettison damnable vices here and there, I tend to hold more firmly to the ones I have left. I don't drink, smoke, or ingest illicit substances at this stage of the game, so what I have left are an all-consuming intolerance for any lack of excess in caffeine and a ravenous desire for junk food. Exercise in excess used to balance this all out, but since I'm finding less time to hone my physical body by devoting more time to studying, these indulgences take their toll with a bit more corrosive enthusiasm. 

I'm trying to devote more time to meditation, but I also want to direct more purpose to the practice. Sometimes I feel like I'm just zoning out with my eyes closed and chastising myself every few seconds for letting my mind buck around like a wild mare. I've got loads of books on the stuff, but I lack the commitment to one dedicated route. While I know it isn't the best approach, I have apparently chosen to carve my own path with psychic miscegenation. This is a choice I'm more and more willing to correct through finding how directionless and confusing it can be. 


Posted: 4 years ago

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Thresholds?

by Shakuhachi (entries)

When I make effort to sharply focus on the point between the eyes.  Sometimes the inner space takes on a 3 dimentional aspect, like I am in a dome.  It is like crossing an interior threshold.  But even as it feels wonderful it is also tiring.  I can only maintain that a few seconds.

Yoga Sutras speak of concentration more than relaxation.  It seems both are required at the same time though.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: concentration, thresholds

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First Three "Levels" for Lack of a Better Term

by terrormortus (entries)

The chimes at regular intevals met with a little success, but decided not to continue it. Moving on...

I've made an observation about my awareness and breathing when meditating. Since I can't think of a better term I've decided to dub them levels. There is no maximum yet, but so far I have identified three.

The first one occurs just after I have begun meditating. After the usual physical and mental shifting around I actually begin to pay attention to my breathing in earnest. I remember Ven. Henepola (not going to try and rember his last name, know your strengths as they say) mentioning that when you first begin breathing you notice the slight pause between inhalation and exhalation. That is effectively what the first level is, with the added bonus that I'm totally focused on my breathing.

Level 2 gets a little more... interesting. My breathing turns into one singular breath, made up of the inhalation and exhalation. In my mind I always see it as a circle that starts when I start breathing in and ends where it began at the ending of the exhalation. This is where my thoughts start to bubble up as well. Usually distractions, and I can often simply observe them.

Level 3 is what I consider my highest level achieved so far. I start to lose some of the shallow thoughts, they fade away, and in their place I get deeper ones. An example would be I no longer enjoy my primary job, and will probably quit. My breathing remains the same, but I begin to notice physical sensations more such as my hair growing, itches forming, and minute pains I usually ignore.

I'm not sure what comes next, but longer meditations seem to be the key to it.


Posted: 4 years ago

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Recommit

by Shakuhachi (entries)

This weekend I decided to get serious. Meditation has been on and off for over 35 years. The older I get the more important it becomes. I am rereading Autobiography of a Yoga to help inspire. Mostly it is the pictures.

I begin with some brief pranayam and stretching. I am developing a practice that I can sustain...not too ambitious to be unrealistic.

Sunday the 24th was one of the best. My body was very relaxed. It was sort of like looking at the texture of the canvas rather than painting on it, except instead of stagnant it was vibrant. Also, In the mind's eye a small purple/blue cloud forms. It expands but at one point turns black. Then within the center of that blackness another little purple/blue cloud forms. It expands and turns black and another forms inside it... on and on.

Relaxing but unusual.

Monday, Tuesday and Today were nothing like that. Just quiet with maybe a little more sleepy images.


Posted: 4 years ago

Tagged: experinces

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Day two of 29

by Charlie (entries)

I turned 29 on Friday. I have pledged to meditate more, for longer, more consistently, with more directed focus, and with more clarity for the past few milestones I can remember. A few January firsts, a few birthdays, etc. I am in the last year of my twenties. I assumed that over ten years ago, I would have gone well beyond where I am now, but I assumed a lot of things when I was 17, 18, and 19. I can only project that I might become more realistic in my expectations over the next decade. The past ten years have held, between a decade's nebulous bookends, a heft of tumult and danger. An identity that itched like razored steel wool has been shed, but I got all kinds of fucked up from wearing it and even from the act of taking it off. 

I have had an immense amount of good fortune come my way, and when compared to my former habits and relationships, I feel like I've seen through the eyes of an evil twin for most of my life and I now have the most beautiful wife I could ever imagine, and aesthetic strengths aside, we fold into each other and make an exact fit in every way I could ever think possible. Even when we're fighting, I can't help but feel that it's better than even the best days between myself and my ex-wife. 

My life has taken a seismic shift from what it once was, and I want to spend each day acknowledging how thankful I am for what I am lucky to have. A life of negativity and substance abuse have carved furrows in my mind and patterns of thought. This has wrought negativity in a full-force bursting forth of hungry, acrid, toxic goo that eats through flesh and metal and wood and glass. So I'm trying to dig on some neuroplasticity and reroute some streams, dam some things shut, and open the gates for a flood or a trickle of a more fruitful path.

I got 20 minutes in today before the wife and I went out for some Sunday errands. I noticed that my threshold for irritation and upset was changed in such a way that when I was met with negativity from others or in something I conjured by myself, I was able to let it roll off of me with a bit more ease. I was still affected to some degree, but with less rigidity. 

I'm reminded of my professor from last semester, who also happens to be a tai chi instructor. He said that a brick wall is thought of to be very strong, and a linen sheet is thought of to be very weak. In some sense this is true, but consider a large boulder being thrown at the two. The boulder hits the brick wall, it crashes through, the bricks crumble, and the wall is destroyed. On the other hand, a hanging sheet reacts differently to the same boulder hurled with the same force. It gives, and accepts, and it follows. The boulder continues its path, but the sheet flows back to where it originally hung, largely unaffected. His point was that tai chi is a mode of accessing one's ability to relax rigidity and accept things as they come. I have never done tai chi, but I feel meditation can give similar results. If you're already loose, meditation can be like a scented dryer sheet to give you a little bounce. I'm a bit more like a brick wall at this point. Gotta keep on.


Posted: 4 years ago

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First 30 minute meditation

by alapkoff (entries)

Definately reduced feelings of sadness. It was difficult to stay focused during the entire 30 minutes, changed postures a few times, and caught myself looking at the clock, especially towards the end. More practice at this duration is needed.


Posted: 4 years ago

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Time

by terrormortus (entries)

In "Mindfulness in Plain English" it mentioned briefly that the unconscious mind has a habit of churning out ideas independent of the Independent mind. I'm probably simplifing to the point of getting the point wrong, but the idea is still correct. I have found in my mediatations that ideas occur to me, probably the lack of stimulus is allowing my mind to do it's thing uninterrupted.

To my point. Today's meditation gave me an idead referring to time.I have no sense of time, it's something that has caused problems my whole life. To combat this I've developed a sort of twitch, a compulsive need to check the closk to realize how much time has passed. 

The anxiety of not checking this has led I think, to a lack of ability to focus on my meditation. Luckily their is as option with the timer to have it chime at regular intervals. I think I shall use this and see if it helps.


Posted: 5 years ago

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Beying of Love

by kedostuga (entries)

We are beyings of love and through our thoughts, feelings, through our mind we build our reality, we create the way in which we live. To compreend, express and pratice the love for all things is a simple yet greatly effective way to love oneself, for oneself is connected, is made out off all things.


Posted: 5 years ago

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Mindfulness and Unhappiness

by terrormortus (entries)

I had my first experience with what I consider to be mindfulness yesterday evening.

I was trying to go to sleep and was just suddenly hit with a truckload of worries about work, all the little stresses that I usually avoid hit me all at once. My meditation hadn't been that effective that day and on a burst of inspiration I decided to meditate a bit to see if it would help.

My goal had been simple relaxation to help me sleep. However I took the advice of "Mindfulness in Plain English" to heart and observed my emotions without adding to them or puching them away. 

Within five minutes I had realized the root of the problem. I was no longer enjoying my work as I had been, which was making me less attentive towards it. As a result I was making mistakes, which increased my stress, which was making me make more mistakes, and creating a negative feedback loop. I literally was shocked at the discovery, it was something I had never considered at all.

So a little progress I think. Not much but a little.


Posted: 5 years ago

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Patience and Restlessness

by davidbhayes (entries)

Restlessness has been the dominant hinderance in my practice lately. Restlessness, for me, is the broad sense that "this should be like that" and that that change should happen soon. This can mean anything from "my hands should be shifted three inches outward", to "I should really be living the life of a handsomely-compensated consultant".

Mostly I've just been trying to meet and see this restlessness as an empty impotent thought, and that's been reasonably effective for me. I'm able to continue meditating. 

But today, the thought of patience came into my head as I had the thought "this is restlessness." And the mere thought of patience sitting in my head, bouncing around slowly, made it feel easier for me to deal with restless thoughts that arose. The explicit thought of the opposite or antidote to restlessness seemed useful to keep around. Like have a secret storeroom of ice you can unleash whenever the room starts to feel stiflingly hot.


Posted: 5 years ago

Tagged: patience, restlessness, meditation, desire, hinderance

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An interesting exercise in maitri

by fredclaymeyer (entries)

This is going to sound weird, but try giving yourself a kiss, maybe on the back of the hand.

You should maybe try it first, and then read my thoughts on it below, just to see how our experiences line up.

For me it was quite helpful, because I suddenly felt the sympathy for myself that I often feel for others. It was one of those moments where you're able to look at yourself as if from another vantage point--which sort of points out, I think, the "otherness" of self itself, in the sense that the self that has a name and an identity and so on actually occurs in a larger, nameless, identityless space, just as our experience of others occurs in that space.

So the act of giving yourself a kiss, in my case, pointed out the "otherness" of self, and helped me sympathize with it (or "him") at the same time--a pretty interesting practice, and one that I found quite sweet.


Posted: 5 years ago

Tagged: maitri, friendliness, kindness, kiss

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Meditation as Magnifier

by davidbhayes (entries)

Monday was a kind of stressful day in my life. I was starting a new job, so I spent most of the day lost. And what was worse: I felt lost, and I felt bad about feeling lost. And that built into a sense of stress, and a general feeling of dis-ease. 

And my sits around that time: they reflect that. Almost every sit I recorded around that time notes a sense of eagerness to move on (from meditation), an eager mind thinking and planning (constructive worrying I sometimes think of those as), etc.

Today after work, I felt like it had gone well, that I'd done what I could and should have done. And so the sit I did right after work felt easy, remarkably so. Abnormally, abrubtly, crazy easy. I just felt the change so clearly that I couldn't let it go by without noting.


Posted: 5 years ago

Tagged: stress, meditation, life, work, lost

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Reconsidering "Being With"

by davidbhayes (entries)

It's been about a weeks since I had the "insight" that I could "be with" what obstacles came up while I sat, rather than get worked up, frustrated, and angry about them. And at that level, I still think "being with" is a useful idea.

But coupled with a few other things, the loosening up that has come along with the "being with" idea has gone so far in the other direction that I feel like sitting isn't something I'm doing but rather a position I'm being in. 

I feel like there's a tough balance between bearing down too hard in your practice and being so permissive that "meditation" becomes indistinct from the rest of your activities. I know there's a sweet-spot, but I know that "being with" hasn't been a powerful enough concept to get me there. (Which is to ignore the whole argument about the value of an concept in getting you anywhere.)


Posted: 5 years ago

Tagged: being with, bearing down, permissiveness

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Meditating by "Being With"

by davidbhayes (entries)

For almost as long as I've been meditating, I've thought of meditation as something you do. You go "meditate" and I defined the act of "meditating" as a set of behavior that, for whatever constellation of reasons, always contained the need to supress thoughts and the need to "focus" on the breath.

Then a few days ago, as I was sitting down, the thought that my goal was to just be with whatever was occuring at the time came up. This idea, which I'm sure I'd heard many times in the past, really stuck this time, and completely changed the character of my practice.

For days (if not months) I'd been riding a wave of thought and supression, thought and supression. As my time increased, that tumult would sometimes be followed by a "dead" period where in the absense of thoughts arising I would just be sitting there wishing that time would move faster.

When I thought of the pracitce as being with, I instead got the very real sense of it being fine that thoughts were arising. Of it being fine that nothing was arising. Of it being OK to feel and think whatever I was thinking and feeling. My only duty was to be there with those things coming and stay aware of them, and it made a huge difference.


Posted: 5 years ago

Tagged: mindfulness, presence, technique, meditation technique

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4th

by nosyla (entries)

still went by very fast.  Kept focus for two full breath rotations.  easier to push away all thoughts but school.  Almost didn't make time for meditation tonight.  House full of people till about 40 minutes ago.  goal/flowers helped my motivation. felt really happy on waking up today. Read meditation emails and set the tone for the day.  I know meditation is critical for my mental health.


Posted: 2017 years ago

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My Heart is beating, my skin is itching, and I'm pretty sure my hair is growing

by terrormortus (entries)

So I feel like I made a fair bit of progress at least on my second day of meditation.

After about two minutes (I can't resist peeking every once in a while) I realize that the constant streams of 123412341234 probably isn\\\'t helping too much. Letting my breathing become a bit more natural I started to notice a few things. First it was mainly envirnomental things (cars passing by the house, the heater working) and I tried to block those out. As time went on I started to notice more... internal things. 

I noticed a few itches on my skin as well as my heart beat, strongest in my interlocked hands. What I found the most interesting was the slight sense of activity I got from my scalp. Now that I know what to look for I can even as a write this zero in on that feeling.

It's a little odd, but very interesting. I'm beginning to wonder what I will be feeling at the end of this.


Posted: 2017 years ago

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