All posts tagged “meditation”
Meditation as Magnifier
Monday was a kind of stressful day in my life. I was starting a new job, so I spent most of the day lost. And what was worse: I felt lost, and I felt bad about feeling lost. And that built into a sense of stress, and a general feeling of dis-ease.
And my sits around that time: they reflect that. Almost every sit I recorded around that time notes a sense of eagerness to move on (from meditation), an eager mind thinking and planning (constructive worrying I sometimes think of those as), etc.
Today after work, I felt like it had gone well, that I'd done what I could and should have done. And so the sit I did right after work felt easy, remarkably so. Abnormally, abrubtly, crazy easy. I just felt the change so clearly that I couldn't let it go by without noting.
Posted: 5 years agoTagged: stress, meditation, life, work, lost
Patience and Restlessness
Restlessness has been the dominant hinderance in my practice lately. Restlessness, for me, is the broad sense that "this should be like that" and that that change should happen soon. This can mean anything from "my hands should be shifted three inches outward", to "I should really be living the life of a handsomely-compensated consultant".
Mostly I've just been trying to meet and see this restlessness as an empty impotent thought, and that's been reasonably effective for me. I'm able to continue meditating.
But today, the thought of patience came into my head as I had the thought "this is restlessness." And the mere thought of patience sitting in my head, bouncing around slowly, made it feel easier for me to deal with restless thoughts that arose. The explicit thought of the opposite or antidote to restlessness seemed useful to keep around. Like have a secret storeroom of ice you can unleash whenever the room starts to feel stiflingly hot.
Posted: 5 years agoTagged: patience, restlessness, meditation, desire, hinderance
If I try to know why I meditate, I lose focus on my meditation.
If I try to seek for the benefit of meditation, I find the sitting time too long.
So I stop, sit and be present in the present.
Posted: 3 years agoTagged: meditation
First entry - 28/10/2014
I came to Medivate to help myself on organizing my meditation schedule. I think it helps on commitement when you throw yourself into it and start recording sessions. So I might as well start to do mine as some sort of journal. Let's see what happens.
First of all, my main objective with meditation is develop calmness and emotional resilience. I am coming from a breakup situation where the girl is deeply involved with my social group and we decided not to be away from each other. She seems to need my help, at least for now. Although I definitively miss her, I want to see her happy, regardless if it is with me or not, and that's how meditation will help me -- to make me calmer, understand the reasons the world is the way it is, accepting it and coming to terms.
I am trying to supress my attachement feelings and keeping the healthy ones for her (i.e. wanting to see her well instead of wanting her to be mine). When meditating, I let my emotions come and try to feel and understand them. Hm, perhaps It's not a place for supression, but rather acceptance, balancing, letting go of some feelings and keeping ones.
First day of meditation
When meditating, I tried to focused on inhaling and exhaling. It was a bit hard because I tend to loose myself off the track easily when just getting back to meditation. Some emotions about her popped up, I accepted them, understood them and let them be. I also felt some physical pressures on my back, shoulders and solar plexus. Could it be because it was late at night and I just returned from a boxing class? Perhaps.
On the thoughts that popped up: Today was a hard day for us because her grandpa died and she came to me for consolation, which made me wonder why -- she had her ex and friends to call for help, not to mention our communication became strange after the breakup. I put my own doubts aside and offered what I could to her.
I hope she'll be alright. As for me, well I can handle it.
My next step is to include a meditation chant/mantra that holds a deep significance to me on my sessions. It's called Om Namo Baghavate Vasudevaya, and it's intimately related to acceptance the way reality is. I've been chanting it a lot in times of despair for a year, and so far it had been amazing for me.
I'm off for now. Thanks for the warm welcoming, Medivate. See you soon :)
Posted: 3 years agoTagged: meditation, acceptance, emotional resilience