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All public journal entries by terrormortus

First Three "Levels" for Lack of a Better Term

The chimes at regular intevals met with a little success, but decided not to continue it. Moving on...

I've made an observation about my awareness and breathing when meditating. Since I can't think of a better term I've decided to dub them levels. There is no maximum yet, but so far I have identified three.

The first one occurs just after I have begun meditating. After the usual physical and mental shifting around I actually begin to pay attention to my breathing in earnest. I remember Ven. Henepola (not going to try and rember his last name, know your strengths as they say) mentioning that when you first begin breathing you notice the slight pause between inhalation and exhalation. That is effectively what the first level is, with the added bonus that I'm totally focused on my breathing.

Level 2 gets a little more... interesting. My breathing turns into one singular breath, made up of the inhalation and exhalation. In my mind I always see it as a circle that starts when I start breathing in and ends where it began at the ending of the exhalation. This is where my thoughts start to bubble up as well. Usually distractions, and I can often simply observe them.

Level 3 is what I consider my highest level achieved so far. I start to lose some of the shallow thoughts, they fade away, and in their place I get deeper ones. An example would be I no longer enjoy my primary job, and will probably quit. My breathing remains the same, but I begin to notice physical sensations more such as my hair growing, itches forming, and minute pains I usually ignore.

I'm not sure what comes next, but longer meditations seem to be the key to it.

Posted: 4 years ago


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In "Mindfulness in Plain English" it mentioned briefly that the unconscious mind has a habit of churning out ideas independent of the Independent mind. I'm probably simplifing to the point of getting the point wrong, but the idea is still correct. I have found in my mediatations that ideas occur to me, probably the lack of stimulus is allowing my mind to do it's thing uninterrupted.

To my point. Today's meditation gave me an idead referring to time.I have no sense of time, it's something that has caused problems my whole life. To combat this I've developed a sort of twitch, a compulsive need to check the closk to realize how much time has passed. 

The anxiety of not checking this has led I think, to a lack of ability to focus on my meditation. Luckily their is as option with the timer to have it chime at regular intervals. I think I shall use this and see if it helps.

Posted: 5 years ago


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Mindfulness and Unhappiness

I had my first experience with what I consider to be mindfulness yesterday evening.

I was trying to go to sleep and was just suddenly hit with a truckload of worries about work, all the little stresses that I usually avoid hit me all at once. My meditation hadn't been that effective that day and on a burst of inspiration I decided to meditate a bit to see if it would help.

My goal had been simple relaxation to help me sleep. However I took the advice of "Mindfulness in Plain English" to heart and observed my emotions without adding to them or puching them away. 

Within five minutes I had realized the root of the problem. I was no longer enjoying my work as I had been, which was making me less attentive towards it. As a result I was making mistakes, which increased my stress, which was making me make more mistakes, and creating a negative feedback loop. I literally was shocked at the discovery, it was something I had never considered at all.

So a little progress I think. Not much but a little.

Posted: 5 years ago


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My Heart is beating, my skin is itching, and I'm pretty sure my hair is growing

So I feel like I made a fair bit of progress at least on my second day of meditation.

After about two minutes (I can't resist peeking every once in a while) I realize that the constant streams of 123412341234 probably isn\\\'t helping too much. Letting my breathing become a bit more natural I started to notice a few things. First it was mainly envirnomental things (cars passing by the house, the heater working) and I tried to block those out. As time went on I started to notice more... internal things. 

I noticed a few itches on my skin as well as my heart beat, strongest in my interlocked hands. What I found the most interesting was the slight sense of activity I got from my scalp. Now that I know what to look for I can even as a write this zero in on that feeling.

It's a little odd, but very interesting. I'm beginning to wonder what I will be feeling at the end of this.

Posted: 2017 years ago


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