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First entry - 28/10/2014

I came to Medivate to help myself on organizing my meditation schedule. I think it helps on commitement when you throw yourself into it and start recording sessions. So I might as well start to do mine as some sort of journal. Let's see what happens.

First of all, my main objective with meditation is develop calmness and emotional resilience. I am coming from a breakup situation where the girl is deeply involved with my social group and we decided not to be away from each other. She seems to need my help, at least for now. Although I definitively miss her, I want to see her happy, regardless if it is with me or not, and that's how meditation will help me -- to make me calmer, understand the reasons the world is the way it is, accepting it and coming to terms.

I am trying to supress my attachement feelings and keeping the healthy ones for her (i.e. wanting to see her well instead of wanting her to be mine). When meditating, I let my emotions come and try to feel and understand them. Hm, perhaps It's not a place for supression, but rather acceptance, balancing, letting go of some feelings and keeping ones.

First day of meditation

When meditating, I tried to focused on inhaling and exhaling. It was a bit hard because I tend to loose myself off the track easily when just getting back to meditation. Some emotions about her popped up, I accepted them, understood them and let them be. I also felt some physical pressures on my back, shoulders and solar plexus. Could it be because it was late at night and I just returned from a boxing class? Perhaps.

On the thoughts that popped up: Today was a hard day for us because her grandpa died and she came to me for consolation, which made me wonder why -- she had her ex and friends to call for help, not to mention our communication became strange after the breakup. I put my own doubts aside and offered what I could to her.

I hope she'll be alright. As for me, well I can handle it.

Next steps:

My next step is to include a meditation chant/mantra that holds a deep significance to me on my sessions. It's called Om Namo Baghavate Vasudevaya, and it's intimately related to acceptance the way reality is. I've been chanting it a lot in times of despair for a year, and so far it had been amazing for me.

I'm off for now. Thanks for the warm welcoming, Medivate. See you soon :)

Posted: 3 years ago

Tagged: meditation, acceptance, emotional resilience

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