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Meditation as Magnifier

Monday was a kind of stressful day in my life. I was starting a new job, so I spent most of the day lost. And what was worse: I felt lost, and I felt bad about feeling lost. And that built into a sense of stress, and a general feeling of dis-ease. 

And my sits around that time: they reflect that. Almost every sit I recorded around that time notes a sense of eagerness to move on (from meditation), an eager mind thinking and planning (constructive worrying I sometimes think of those as), etc.

Today after work, I felt like it had gone well, that I'd done what I could and should have done. And so the sit I did right after work felt easy, remarkably so. Abnormally, abrubtly, crazy easy. I just felt the change so clearly that I couldn't let it go by without noting.

Posted: 5 years ago

Tagged: stress, meditation, life, work, lost

Comment on this entry

Hmm, you're up late!

I've noticed this feeling (both sides of it: difficulty sitting and subsequent ease) very distinctly recently also. It makes me think that people, including myself, don't sit partly because their lives are painful and they don't feel like just staring at the pain. Which is a hard thing to just hand-wave away with, "Oh, but it's healthy and you'll be glad you did it." Wonder what can be done about that.

fredclaymeyer5 years agoReply to this comment

I think dealing with that specific issue requires expanding out the issue. If the issue is whether or not you feel like doing it right now, you'll always fail over time. If the issue is whether or not you've decided this is an important thing in your life that you're committed to doing always, you're much more likely to not drop it when it's hard. (Also, the idea of logging and committing and holding yourself responsible to your future self matters.)

It's all got A LOT in common with exercise.

davidbhayes5 years agoReply to this comment

Those are helpful thoughts, I think; thanks for sharing them.

fredclaymeyer5 years agoReply to this comment