hanjini's Forum Posts

I looked online for a regular podcast. Amazingly, I found a weekly podcast by a former teacher, Peter Carlson, of Orlando Insight Meditation, where I used to live. They're exploring the Anapanassati Sutta - it's been great! I also re-dedicated myself to a local sangha, led by two Sri Lankan monks. It's very good to sit with real people who are studying the dhamma.

I went to a class on vipassana because I was in a lot of emotional pain following my divorce. I remember I was eager for the talk to end so we could begin the actual breathing. I remember being in complete shock to discover that beyond any emotional grief I was feeling,  my entire back was an experience of sharp pain as if knives were stabbing all over it. It was a relevation of how disconnected I was from my body and how my thinking was not exactly accurate about what was going on.

i finally decided to meditate every day instead of messing around with it. So far so good. In my mind, meditation needs to be a daily practice. 

After  a lifetime of pursuing whole health interventions, in the form of   behavioral health practices (as a professional), spiritual, physical and emotional practices, I have found vipassana practice to be the most effective for managing negative states, shifting to positive states, and discovering insights into my own psychology. 

Briefly, my understanding of the standard teaching for this sort of experience is to note it, find a word to describe it, and then go back to the breath. That would be if you're doing a "concentration" meditation - i.e., when you have decided to focus on a single object, the breath.  Alternately, if you were doing a "mindfulness" session, you could just go with it, noticing everything about the experience, noticing your thinking about it, such as the thought that you're perfectly aware that you're also sitting quite still. Then you would be noticing the beginning of the feeling, the middle of the sensation, and its fading away.  Overall, I'd say the standard teaching is not to attach any significance to it, don't "get into it," and don't give it any more significance than just noticing it.
What you do with it beyond that, like after you meditate, is up to you. I mean, I'd be wondering what that metaphor's about - what else in my life is like a roller coaster? or explore the associations, like, am I making a tempest in a teacup out of something? But I'd say that's strictly outside of the sitting.

Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. This book is clearly and comfortably written, comprehensive and intelligent yet full of simple basics on how to and why meditate.

I just let it be, not move around too much, my chin down a little bit, eyes closed. I sit very still.

If I gave up the idea that watching a little tv with a glass of wine is an ideal way to relax after work,  then there would be room for the idea that I'd rather see myself sitting for 45 minutes.  Because I do seem to find time for the former on a regular basis, whereas I complain about not having time enough for the latter. Maybe if I logged that tv time it would be graphically clear where my meditation time is being otherwise spent.

Right now, the main quality I experience during a session, especially towards the last half, is a soft, gentle, physically rhythmic sensation which feels like kindness towards my self. Not a lot of anything else like thoughts. Really relaxing and  soothing.