All public journal entries by BAJohnsonMN
January 2, 2021
I'm setting a new goal as of today. This goal is to sit for 10 minutes per day until February 27, 2021. I will be using The Warrior's Meditation again. My aim will be to cultivate a gentle, continuing awareness. This only happened very occasionally and then only while I was outside. Well, I know the reason for it; my general mental state is one of continuing worry, alertness, and readiness to flee.
One of the things I've learned is that there is so much fear in me about expressing my creativity and thus it's no wonder that I'd rather NOT write and certainly not publish. This is in need of change.
One of the things I've learned is that there is so much fear in me about expressing my creativity and thus it's no wonder that I'd rather NOT write and certainly not publish. This is in need of change.
Posted: 6 years ago
Tagged:
May 4, 2020
After several days of poor sessions and no journals, today turned out to be quite good. I had some trouble with distractions so I had to drop the rating. The results are distinctly better than average, so I'll take it!
I've had a long week at work, put in a lot more hours than I was scheduled for and I was also sleep-deprived for one of those days. It took me close to a day and a half to recover from that, though. There's an object lesson right there - I need to guard my energy.
A convenience store isn't worth all the stress I have at this one. If I was an EMT, doctor, or police officer, I'd say yeah but now my resolve is increasing for my ultimate goal. I want to be self-employed as a proofreader and writer. Â
I need to get back on track. Â
I've had a long week at work, put in a lot more hours than I was scheduled for and I was also sleep-deprived for one of those days. It took me close to a day and a half to recover from that, though. There's an object lesson right there - I need to guard my energy.
A convenience store isn't worth all the stress I have at this one. If I was an EMT, doctor, or police officer, I'd say yeah but now my resolve is increasing for my ultimate goal. I want to be self-employed as a proofreader and writer. Â
I need to get back on track. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
March 7, 2020
Just an average session or maybe a bit less than that as I had to make myself sit through the time today. Â
I've found I'm an angry man underneath my surface appearance of 'laid-back-ness'. Â
It doesn't matter, though; anger is a valid tool for motivation. Â
I've found I'm an angry man underneath my surface appearance of 'laid-back-ness'. Â
It doesn't matter, though; anger is a valid tool for motivation. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
February 4, 2020
Like I said in the public post, this was an average session. As almost always, I'm glad to have practiced but today I think I was more glad to have it off today's list.
I was wondering if I should increase duration of the session but no, not until I've completed this course. I did start out with a secondary goal of sitting for 5 minutes in addition to the main session, just as a way to relax and/or clear my head after work. I haven't done that since I've been doing a lot of opening shifts at work since, oh, the beginning of this year.Â
The job is forcing me to have to change my plans often. While that's not a bad thing, I do get irritated at the need to do it. Â
I was wondering if I should increase duration of the session but no, not until I've completed this course. I did start out with a secondary goal of sitting for 5 minutes in addition to the main session, just as a way to relax and/or clear my head after work. I haven't done that since I've been doing a lot of opening shifts at work since, oh, the beginning of this year.Â
The job is forcing me to have to change my plans often. While that's not a bad thing, I do get irritated at the need to do it. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
January 20, 2020
Just like yesterday, a terrible session. I'm overly tired and full of conflicting emotions. Â
I'll write in the reflection journal later, but my depression is more due to current situations than it does with the past. I think the memory is just there because the situation is so similar. Â
I'll write in the reflection journal later, but my depression is more due to current situations than it does with the past. I think the memory is just there because the situation is so similar. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
December 5, 2019
Practiced, despite not wanting to. Felt satisfied for having done so. Â
My anxiety is lessening a bit, too. I felt that today would be a 'down' day and I was right. I stayed occupied to combat the anxiety. Â
My anxiety is lessening a bit, too. I felt that today would be a 'down' day and I was right. I stayed occupied to combat the anxiety. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
week 5 day 2
Okay, today went really well. I felt like I really wanted to meditate today. Â
I did the five-count and worked up to the eight-count, but just for one 'box'. It's difficult, especially on the holding empty phase. Â
I will continue. I'm considering increasing my sitting time to fifteen minutes. Â
I did the five-count and worked up to the eight-count, but just for one 'box'. It's difficult, especially on the holding empty phase. Â
I will continue. I'm considering increasing my sitting time to fifteen minutes. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
week 5 day 1
Well, here I am at week 5. Today was an average session. I had to 'reset' my breathing
a few times plus remind myself to get back to practice. Â
I did start the week with the five-count as I wrote earlier. During the last few minutes, I strove to reach an eight-count and that was challenging. Six wasn't a problem, seven was to an extent, but that eight-count is a beast. Specifically, it's the breath-hold that challenged me. I felt a tiny bit of panic; the urgency to refill my lungs was certainly present. Â
I'm on the home stretch! I'll have kept my promise to myself. Â
a few times plus remind myself to get back to practice. Â
I did start the week with the five-count as I wrote earlier. During the last few minutes, I strove to reach an eight-count and that was challenging. Six wasn't a problem, seven was to an extent, but that eight-count is a beast. Specifically, it's the breath-hold that challenged me. I felt a tiny bit of panic; the urgency to refill my lungs was certainly present. Â
I'm on the home stretch! I'll have kept my promise to myself. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
week 4 day 6
Good session today. My attention didn't waver too much, though I did have to reset my breathing twice during my practice.
No big revelations today, either. I feel pretty good. Â
No big revelations today, either. I feel pretty good. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
week 3 day 2
Skipped the session last night. NBD.
Today, I'm so full of energy that I just don't want to sit and meditate. I want to create!
I'm almost feeling inspired. This is a great sign. Â
Today, I'm so full of energy that I just don't want to sit and meditate. I want to create!
I'm almost feeling inspired. This is a great sign. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
week 2 day 5
I made it through the full week and my goal.
Today's session was 12 minutes rather than ten and it felt good. My attention wandered a few times but I didn't judge myself when that happened. Â
I know I shouldn't be counting the number of times my attention wavers but today I think it was four or five during the 12 minutes. It's been a lot higher on other days this week. I hope this is a trend rather than a fluke. Â
Today's session was 12 minutes rather than ten and it felt good. My attention wandered a few times but I didn't judge myself when that happened. Â
I know I shouldn't be counting the number of times my attention wavers but today I think it was four or five during the 12 minutes. It's been a lot higher on other days this week. I hope this is a trend rather than a fluke. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
week 2 day 4
Much better this time. Â
I'm still very easily distracted but I have kept up to schedule this week. So, keep on going!
I'm still very easily distracted but I have kept up to schedule this week. So, keep on going!
Posted: 7 years ago
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week 2 day 3
As my comment stated, I felt fewer distractions but more forceful. I think I'm getting better at this. Time will tell!
Posted: 7 years ago
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week 2 day 2
Went a lot better this time. I was less distracted and it was easier to stay in the practice. No big breakthroughs but I'm going to stay with this practice the entire planned six weeks. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
Week 2 begins
this was a bad session. I was distracted and angry, probably 'hangry' too.Â
Will try again, I'm in this for six weeks for sure. Â
Will try again, I'm in this for six weeks for sure. Â
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged:
Renewing, day 2
Second day and I managed to keep it going for that long!
I still felt distracted at times but overall this felt more rewarding than yesterday's session.
I am an anxious person so I should just accept that fact.
I still felt distracted at times but overall this felt more rewarding than yesterday's session.
I am an anxious person so I should just accept that fact.
Posted: 7 years ago
Tagged: